Praise vs. Encouragement, Goals and System, Act on What You Can Control

Happy Curious Friday!

Here are 1 idea from me, 1 learning from others, and 1 question for you to ponder this week. All original contents. No AI. No Spam. ease rate this newsletter

1 Idea from Me

I went to a parenting workshop organised by my son's principal recently. The workshop was about raising children with self-esteem. I want to share what I learned with you.

Here are a few favourable and unfavourable factors which impact children's self-esteem. In my opinion, not just to children, they apply to everyone, our colleagues at work, our spouse, our families and friends.

Common negative factors which reduce self-esteem:

• Negative comments, repeated criticism, embarrassment, sarcasm, mistakes, errors or failures, the way we talk to children (Are we present?)

Common positive factors which raise self-esteem:

• Parental involvement, parental warmth, clear expectations, respect, empowering children, modeling, encouragement.

Reminders for parents:

It is important to set the right expectation for a 2/3/4 year-old. Don't project your grown-up expectations onto a child. Otherwise, you are setting them up for failure, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. And parents, this is on you, not your children. Children are born to be curious. They are born to explore, find out about the world.

The workshop also covered the concept and differences of praise versus encouragement:

Praise:

1. Express a favourable judgement
2. Glorify
3. Express approval

Examples:
"I'm so proud of you!" "You are the best!" "I like...I like..

My reflections:

• Where do children go if they are already at their best now?
• Watch out for any judgement we pass on to children because this will encourage them to think subconsciously they need to seek for external approval and validation.

Encouragement

1. Inspire with courage
2. Spur on; stimulate

Examples:
"You must be really proud of yourself. You fell down three times during the race and you didn't give up. You managed to finish the race." "You gave up your favourite toy so your brother could play it. I could tell he was really happy. Thank you for looking after him and considering his feeling."

Do you see the difference? The narrative describes the act and observations. If your child misbehaves, try to describe the issue and brainstorm solution to fix it together.

Small changes in our language and behaviours help children build up their self-esteem.

(PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. Get off your phone if you children need your attention. Staying in the moment, being present, is a life skill that is becoming rare.)

1 Learning from Others

System vs. Goals

“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your system. Your goal is your desired outcome. Your system is the collection of daily habits that will get you there. Spend less time focusing on outcomes and more time focusing on the habits that precede the results.”

"Atomic Habits" by James Clear

1 question for you to ponder

What makes others less productive?

1. Comparing yourself with others.
2. Whining about the world and not doing anything about it.
3. Worrying about something you don't have control.
4. Getting someone's approval to validate your self-worth.
5. Scrolling mindlessly on social media instead of spending time with real friends and families.
6. Taking more time to judge others than trying to understand them.

Anything else you'd add to this list?

From Chapter: Plant Your Yes Seeds of Unstuck